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Advice

 

The following pieces of advice have been learned and understood through "normal" everyday activity by The Kru.

* The Kru consists of myself (Ravi), Anish, Niraj, and Saumil with guest appearances from others including Neemesh and Nirav. 

** The following advice is not arranged in order of importance

 

Social Life:

1) After drinking, avoid running up and down your friend's street while his/her father is watching

2) Do not yell unusual phrases such as 'hooray' and 'jabaytch' at pedestrians when you are about to stop at a red light in your car

3) At social events with adults (parents), refrain from laughing uncontrollably at things which are not the least bit funny, in an attempt to disguise your inebriation

4) At 'kick-backs' with frenz, it is not advisable to fall down like a child, get up, and yell loudly, "No really...I'm straight!"

5) When you don't know something, it is not a good idea to say, "I don't know, you know?"

6) At times when farting while in a car is required (almost always), you must do three things immediately: first notify all occupants of the vehicle...second, open as many windows/doors as possible...and third, do not praise your fart as being a 'tite ripper'

7) At the movies, drunk or not, under no circumstances should you remove your shirt or any other article of clothing

8) When drunk, extreme caution should be used while talking to a member of the opposite sex; a general rule of thumb is that if you think the next day you will not remember what you are going to say, then it is not a good idea to talk

9) If someone acts improper while he/she is in your car, it is perfectly acceptable to say "How ya gettin' home?" every so often

10) Do not attempt to argue, rationalize, or yell at your parents when you are not completely sober

11) Avoid browsing through the pictures at www.rotten.com while your roommate's girlfriend is visiting

12) Do not pretend to be confused by trance music or similar types of hallucinogenic music

13) Never attempt to argue the supposed superiority of your street, block, zip code, city, area code, or county

 

Eating:

1) Never, ever, ever eat any high protein food (beans!) up to 6 hours before a date or any other social call

2) No matter how scared you are of bacteria in eggs, do not tell the waiter to make them well done

3) If you do end up vomiting at a low-scale restaurant like Denny's, then make sure your friends do not simultaneously jump up from their seats and yell, "The hell?"

4) If you are trying to impress the waitress, it is not a good idea to order a Corona and then cancel it when she asks for your ID

5) When someone is chewing and/or swallowing food, it is careless to make that person laugh, unless you like doing the Heimlich maneuver 

6) (Extension of #5), If you do make someone laugh while he/she is eating and that person makes loud gasping noises while jumping up and down, do not sit back and laugh. Instead, you should perform some type of first aid so he/she doesn't die

7) Do not eat foods like mangos, corn, and carrots before or during a social call, as these types of foods tend to become lodged between your gums and teeth

8) It is better to leave no tip than to leave coupons from other restaurants, stamps, discount cards, pocket lint, and other absurd items

 

Music:

1) If you are not alone in a car, do not consistently repeat the track unless requested to do so

2) When bumping your sound system, it is not the slightest bit cool to play any radio station 

3) On any car trip between the San Francisco Bay Area and the Los Angeles area, it is only customary to play at least one Tupac track per Vista Point

4) When adults/parents are present the safe alternative to rap is and always will be trance

5) It is absolutely against human civil code to interrupt, change, or otherwise hinder a person from listening to his/her music while driving

6) While driving with your significant other, it is lame to pop in a CD that you don't like, and then offer to give it to him/her

7) Under no circumstances should you insult the quality of another driver's sound system

8) It does not look good to ask a saleperson at a car audio store, "What's the cheapest CD player you have man?"

9) No song will be your favorite for over one month; if it is, then you have problems

 

School:

1) Do not brag about your UCLA admission if you know damn well that you are going to Santa Monica Community College

2) In your dorm building, find out who the RA is before telling him/her what you do in your room

3) If you are inviting frenz to sleep over, tell your room mate before he sleeps so he does not step on the guests at nite

4) It is never, nor will it ever be, cool to urinate on someone in your sleep, just because you are drunk and you have to sleep on the floor

5) Any election in an educational institution is a synonym for a popularity contest

6) In morning classes, if you doze off for some odd reason, make no attempt to answer any possible questions the instructor may ask; it will only make you look even more ridiculous

7) If you are late to a class, do not explain yourself truthfully to the instructor if you could not open your locker, fell in the bathroom, or got lost on campus

8) Never use a fake ID in the vicinity of UCSD

9) Do not pay $33,000 to live in the ghettos of downtown Los Angeles...hint hint...Trojans!

10) UCLA is and always will be better than USC, regardless of Chano's